In many societies, responsibility for care functions has been transferred from the family to the welfare state. If this care is extra burdensome, however, it may be compensated by the welfare state by cash payment. Such ‘care wage’ raises several questions regarding family and gender policies, as well as regarding other principles of the modern welfare state in a process of change. This article describes and discusses the Norwegian arrangement of care wage for parental care at home for own disabled children (under the age of 18). It is based on interviews with recipients of care wage (parents) and with social service officers administering care wage. Data show that care wage is associated with several dilemmas of the Norwegian – and Nordic – welfare states. Care wage represents commodification of care and it is most often paid to the mother. Still, it tends to support a traditional gender role pattern, both in regard to care duties at home and as waged labour. This is in contrast to Norwegian family policies intended to enhance gender quality. Although termed wage, care wage is not comparable to payment for work in the regular labour market. Difficulties in determining the proper care wage in each case point to value conflicts as to what are family responsibilities and what are societal responsibilities for care duties. Further, the arrangement of care wage in Norway seems to pay only lip-service self-governance, and questions the autonomy of local government.